I popped an Adderall without really wanting to. I only had a couple hours to study for my philosophy midterm before work so...here I am, functioning on three and a half hours of sleep and anxious as hell. I started at 4:30 am...

Stupid me and my perfectionistic tendencies.

I must get A's!

"and if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet, very patient, and forgiving
now get off my side of the state

and if we should meet one another in passing
despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)"

-The Dresden Dolls, "Truce"

- - -

In just one week...
-the only girl I talk to in my acting class, with whom I had an instant connection, is an active participant in the BDSM scene.

-I bump into Goddess Soma, one of my ex's best friends and partners in crime, at a Chevron in LA CANADA FLINTRIDGE.

What is God trying to tell me?

Why am I being reminded of my past?

Stay, I say, on your side of this state, at least until I pack my things and abandon this god-forsaken heat of hell until further notice....

How far away are you from the person you like?
-Mmmmm about a two minute drive.

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
-I mean, I should. It was last night.

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
-I wish I had a little mini fridge with Malibu Rum, orange juice, pineapple juice, and cherries.

Do you like watching scary movies?
-The REALLY old ones. Alfred Hitchcock.

When is the last time you were at the beach?
-I went to Santa Monica about a week ago. That's about as close to the beach as I can handle. (sand T__T)

Your ex calls wanting to hang out, what do you say?
-"How did you get this number?"

Do you want your tongue pierced?
-Not really. My tongue isn't very pretty.

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
-2006, definitely.

Have you ever met a gay person?
-Who hasn't?

Why did you kiss the last person you did?
-Because he's my boyfriend!

What color is your room?
-I have dark finshed wood paneling (it looks better than it sounds)

What was your last dream about?
-twins, apple juice, and Muslim-Americans (seriously!)

Who was the first person you told about your first kiss?
-Sheesh who knows. Probably Matt.

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone?
-NO! I should!

Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand?
-YES. Sarah Sardo.

When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Mean it?
-Yesterday and HELL YES. I love my baby Aries.

Do you love someone?
-This is getting redundant, but yes. With all my heart.

Do you ever delete people off your myspace?
-Who has THAT kind of time?

When was the last time you saw someone attractive?
-Last night. He was in my bed.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
-I hope not...

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked right now?
-NO.

Do you think someone has feelings for you?
-I think this guy in my Speech class does.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
-God no. So much has changed.


Think a lot before you fall asleep?
-LMAO. It takes me two minutes to fall asleep.

Could you see yourself with someone forever?
-Maybe. :) But we both prefer to live in the present.

Do you know anyone who's having a baby?
-My Speech teacher is pregnant...

Have you ever been called heartless?
-Yes...

Who was the last person to give you a hug?
-My stepmom?

Are you in a good mood?
-Have ta poop.

Are you excited for something?
-One year anniversay with tha boyfriend. OH and my 21st birthday.

Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
-Every night.

Do you like your bed?
-it's alright. It's kind of cramped.

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
-Hell yeah. They're ALL skinny jeans.

What are you looking forward to the most?
-My 21st birthday.


Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any tattoos?
-Nope. He should get some, though!

Do you think you could live with your best friend?
-HAHA been there done that. It was horrible, no?

When was the last time you laughed?
-This morning.

My ex's loft burned down.

Is it wrong that I can't stop smiling?

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing in this thing, but I think it has something to do with my being incredibly anxious and being trapped at the college library.

So, for what seems like the third or forth time in a row (meaning four pay periods of two weeks), I find myself without a cent to my name. Zero. I keep overdrafting my account with one or two dollar purchases and, by the time Friday rolls around, I'm unable to recover. I've been busting my ass at work lately and have been compensated with almost nothing for the last three months. I owe people money and favors left and right, but have nothing to offer. My boyfriend's birthday is ten days, and I can't even afford to get him a card.

I feel worn down and restless. My two endeavors (college and work) have been taking up every gram of my energy and it's starting to make me dull and listless. I'm exhausted and edgy and guilty and anxious. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm so distracted.

It's cold.

Me: Hi, how are you today?

Customer: You don't care! :smiles:

Me: Haha! Well, you're the first person to have said that to me, so now I really care.

Customer: Well.

Me: So how are you, really?

Customer: Do you think that porn ruins marriages?

Me: I've never been married, but I'd assume that pornography ruins a marriage.

Customer: Oh, it does! It ruins them!

Me: Yeah. You know. Porn instills high expectations.

Customer: Do you believe in God? What are your beliefs?

Me: I'm agnostic.

Customer: Well, He believes in you.

Me: Well. Good.

Customer: Can I have a tall half-caff cappucino?

Me: Of course. And that pumpkin cream cheese muffin?

Customer. Hah. No.

[add]
I stalked Brawley and found out he's seeing a girl named Lila.
My stomach hurts.